


On The Second Floor

by daibazaaltea



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Everyone is LGBT+, Gay Keith (Voltron), Keith and Shiro are Adoptive Siblings, M/M, Texting, but he loves them anyways, coran is the best landlord, do alcohol and poor decision making count as characters?, everyone else is a terrible tenant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-07 23:51:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13446045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daibazaaltea/pseuds/daibazaaltea
Summary: Keith, Lance, Hunk, Allura, and Pidge are well into the first semester of their sophomore year at Garrison University in Boston. Living in the city is expensive, especially finding a place within an accessible distance to school. Lucky for them, Allura's uncle Coran is a landlord with a soft spot for college kids. Between Allura in 2A, the Holts in 2B, Keith and his brother Shiro in 2C, and Lance, Hunk, and Shay living in 2D, things can get a little wild. Naturally, Matt and Pidge devised a plan: a series of group chats to keep track of all the shenanigans. Add five rowdy kittens to the mix, and no one knows what could happen.





	1. Floor Meeting in the McClain/Garrett/Balmera Apartment

**Voltrans Lesbiandary Gayfenders of the Ubiverse**

**11:52 pm, Saturday**

 

**yewwow wion (hunk):** LANCE JUST

**yewwow wion (hunk):** he fuckin

**yewwow wion (hunk):** hjgnsodfj[gsdkv

**the green gremlin (pidge):** wow shay you’re so lucky you get a man who has such a way with words

**hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay):** ikr hunk babe what is happening over there are you guys ok

**but daaaaad (shiro):** we share a wall with you what the fuck is happening i was making oatmeal and you guys just

**but daaaaad (shiro):** i can hear lance running around and screaming and hunk is laughing

**the green gremlin (pidge):** my darling brother has informed me that he is trying to take a nap and “if those motherfuckers don’t stop yelling they’re gonna catch these hands” so do with that information what you will  
**boom goes the bi-namite (lance):** HDBFPJSJKDNFSFES

**yewwow wion (hunk):** jdfdfnpsdjfngpsdfg

**hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : i have headphones in and i can still hear you im coming out there

**hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : ill be reporting back whatever the hell is going on out there

**the green gremlin (pidge)** : matt just used the phrase “disembowelment” to describe what he is going to do if you all keep yelling

**(wake me up inside) (keith)** : lol

**the green gremlin (pidge)** : disembowelment lol

**but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : lol

**hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : [uploaded image]

**hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : theres a uh

**hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : theres a cat here

**hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : correction: there are five cats here

**boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : LOOK IM A PROUD MAMA

**boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : [uploaded image]

**the green gremlin (pidge)** : that is definitely a box of kittens

**boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : it’s a christmas miracle

**the green gremlin (pidge)** : its october you dumb fucc

**but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : i dont think coran is going to be happy with you uhhhhhh having five cats

**(wake me up inside) (keith)** : shiro

**(wake me up inside) (keith)** : this is not happening  

**(wake me up inside) (keith)** : shiro oh my god

**but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : i dont know what you’re referring to

**(wake me up inside) (keith)** : shiro just walked into my room threw a blanket at me and said “get in loser we’re going to get a cat”

**but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : lance we’re coming over and we’re not leaving without at least one (1) cat

**(wake me up inside) (keith)** : shiro no

**(wake me up inside) (keith)** : please last time you took in an animal is was a fucking raccoon and it gave birth in the washing machine

**but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : we all learned something about the miracle of life that day

**bullshit intolerant (allura)** : wtf the fuck is going on here

**bullshit intolerant (allura)** : lance

**bullshit intolerant (allura)** : the building is pet free what are you doing my uncle is allergic to cats

**bullshit intolerant (allura)** : also shiro that raccoon thing was horrifying and i hated it let’s never speak of it again

**boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : you’re not going to tell coran are you

**bullshit intolerant (allura)** : nah fam snitches get stitchez

**boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : if u were here i would fist bump you

**yewwo wion (hunk)** : i thought u all should know that my girlfriend is wonderful and amazing and i love her

**hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : ...i just told him i wouldn’t mind keeping one or two of the cats

**boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : shay we’re not dating obviously but i also love you

**hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : read, 11:56 pm

**boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : :(

**hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : update for those not currently present: shiro just burst into the door and now he’s covered in kittens

**hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : also now keith is here

**hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : kEITH JUST CALLED THE KITTENS CUTE heS BLUSHINg

**yewwo wion (hunk)** : every time you type like that i find myself falling deeper and deeper in love with you

**hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : awwwww

**yewwo wion (hunk)** : :)

**the green gremlin (pidge)** : i am… disgusted

**shiro is a furry (matt)** : yall motherfuccers are too loud and im AWAKE now thank you for that u fuckking assholes

**shiro is a furry (matt)** : i try to go to sleep and next thign i know lance has five cats, hunk and shay are being icky in the group chat, and keith has human emotions

**shiro is a furry (matt)** : can you describe keith when he said the word cute im trying to imagine that but i cant paint a mental image

**(wake me up inside) (keith)** : fuck you

**shiro is a furry (matt)** : that’s not helping the mental image of you that i have is already you telling me to fuck off

**(wake me up inside) (keith)** : good

**shiro is a furry (matt)** : ;’(

**(wake me up inside) (keith)** : :)

**the green gremlin (pidge)** : im coming over

**shiro is a furry (matt):** pls give me my peace and quiet…………… im dying

**the green gremlin (pidge)** : oh thank god

**the green gremlin (pidge)** : guess whom is getting a full inheritance binchezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

**shiro is a furry (matt)** : you hurt my heart

**bullshit intolerant (allura)** : there are so many things going on in this chat tonight

**boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : i feel god in this chilis tonight

**boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : jesus CHRIST  everyone jsut come over and see these cats and also shiro bc he’s gushing about how fuckcing cute these cats are and its hilarious

**but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : they’re cute cats, lance

**boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : FLOOR MEETING IN THE GARRETT/MCCLAIN LOFT IN TWO MINUTES

**bullshit intolerant (allura)** : i cant read suddenly. I don’t know

**shiro is a furry (matt)** : if you think im coming to that you’re on drugs

**the green gremlin (pidge)** : ill send you the minutes of the meeting

**shiro is a furry (matt)** : i dont think that will be necessary

**the green gremlin (pidge)** : its happening anyways

**shiro is a furry (matt)** : great

**shiro is a furry (matt)** : cash me moving out how bow dah

**yewwo wion (hunk)** : nice outdated meme

**shiro is a furry (matt)** : you shame me

**shiro is a furry (matt)** : in my own home

**shiro is a furry (matt)**

**shiro is a furry (matt)** : you forget that im a mod in this chat

**shiro is a furry (matt)** : i have all of the power

( **shiro is a furry (matt)** changed **yewwo wion (hunk)** ’s name to **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** )

**he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : anyways,,

**boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : alluraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

**bullshit intolerant (allura)** : fine ill come but only because im shirking my responsibilities

**the green gremlin (pidge)** : we wouldn’t have it any other way

 

Keith put his phone down and shook his head. The group chat, as always, was being ridiculous and unrestrained. Their floor had four lofts; he and his older brother, Shiro, lived in one. Another was occupied by Pidge and Matt Holt, a pair of siblings who were as strange as they were brilliant, which is to say a whole lot of both. Across the hall was Lance, Hunk, and Shay- Lance and Hunk were a pair of best friends who were living together when Hunk’s girlfriend, Shay moved in. Finally, there was Allura and Lotor. Lotor was this sort of preppy, annoying douchebag that nobody else on the floor really liked. Especially not his roommate. Allura spent a ton of time in the floor’s group chat venting about her roommate from hell. He was not included when they all went out together, and he didn’t seem to care. He had a flock of girls who were always around.

Keith looked around the room. Pidge burst through the door in an oversized sweatshirt and jeans, her hair mussy and eyes wild like she hadn’t slept in days. Behind her came Allura, wearing rumpled pajamas and rubbing her eyes to stay awake. It was rare to see her anything less than put-together for the first couple of months, but after a while Keith had learned that Allura was, in fact, just as much of a mess as he was.

Shiro, Hunk, and Lance were wrapped up in paying attention to the cats where there was simply no point in trying to talk to them. Keith had been making conversation with Shay, who he was still getting to know.

“Keith! There’s one coming your way!” Lance dove to the ground, scooping up an orange tabby that was crawling its way over to the kitchen counter where Keith was leaning. He jumped up, pushing himself backwards and propelling himself so that his feet were flat again the cabinets

and he was sitting on the countertop. His knees narrowly missed smashing into Lance’s face. He turned to look at Keith with those blue eyes and that mischievous smile.

“Jesus christ, Lance,” said Keith. Shay stifled a giggle. Lance stood up, moving closer to Keith in such a way that felt alien. It was almost… intimate.

“Here, hold your arms out like this,” he said, demonstrating with the cat in his arms. “I’m gonna give him to you, okay?”

“Sure,”  said Keith, shrugging his shoulders and brushing the hair out of his eyes. He positioned his arms the way Lance had shown him. Lance stepped forward and very gently placed the cat in Keith’s arms.

He glanced down at it. It was a tiny orange tabby, with longish fur that set it apart from the other kittens. As much as he didn’t _want_ to love this kitten, he knew that it was going home with him the moment he felt soft fur touch his skin. He looked into the cat’s emerald eyes and smiled.

“Can I take her?” he asked softly. Lance met his eyes for a moment, his gaze lingering only slightly longer than it should have. Keith cleared his throat and looked away as Lance did the same.

Keith had been crushing on Lance for a while. It wasn’t the kind of head-over-heels, I-can’t-be-friends-with-you-because-of-my-undying-love crush. It was more like whenever he met Lance’s eyes, or brushed up against him, he was left a little flustered.

But things like crushes never worked out for Keith Kogane, so he didn’t bother pursuing it. Besides, he had more things to worry about, like school work and the cat he’d suddenly decided he needed.

“Yeah,” said Lance, reaching down to pick up another kitten. She was a grey one, slightly bigger than the one Keith was cradling. “Meet Azul. She’s a russian blue… I think.” He smiled. “Back home we had a cat named Blue, so I think it’s only right she be called Azul.”

“Nice,” said Keith. He thought back to his own upbringing; his father had had a dog, but after he died a neighbor took it in.

Keith wasn’t so lucky. One set of foster parents had had a cat, but it was old and mean and it had died while he was there. He thought bad luck seemed to follow him everywhere until he was thirteen and the Shiroganes adopted him. For a while, things were good. Then, the summer he was seventeen, there was the accident. Shiro’s father was killed, Shiro was left handicapped and scarred, with Keith and Mrs. Shirogane left to pick up the pieces of their life. They moved across the country to Boston to be closer to Shiro’s school and career while he recovered and readjusted to life with one less arm and no father.

Looking down at the cat in his arms, Keith _knew_ he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him. And anyways, what harm could a cat do? He looked around the room to his brother and all of his neighbors. This was his family now; that was clear. He wouldn’t mind adding one more very, very, cute member.

“What do you think you’re going to name him?” asked Shay. Hunk sidled up next to her and held up a large grey cat.

“I went with Lance’s color thing. This is Sama. Short for Samasama. That’s... yellow in samoan.”

“Nice,” said Keith, nodding. He glanced at the reddish cat in his arms, digging through his mind for the japanese he hadn’t used since Mr. Shirogane died. Aka. Red. “I’m going to call him Aka.”

“Lit,” said Pidge from across the room. She held up a very small black cat, Simba style, on the couch. “Matt says I can’t have one, but I’m taking her anyways. This is Verde, if we’re going with the color thing.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak italian,” said Hunk. Shay elbowed him.

“You are always quoting memes, Hunk!” she kissed him on the cheek, allowing for Sama to nuzzle them both. “Cut it out,” she chuckled.

Keith wat on the counter, watching his friends move around the room. It was like the world kept on spinning as he sat on the kitchen counter with a cat, stationary. Keith was an outsider. No matter how much his brother and his friends accepted him, reassured him that they loved him, it felt like it was always going to be Keith versus the world.

Or so he thought.

Little did Keith know that he wasn’t the only one with a blossoming crush that night. Lance, the boy with oceans in his eyes and flowers in his heart, had begun to fall too.

 

**shitpost squad (chemistry study group)**

**2:17 pm, Sunday, November 12th**

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : so you guys know how youre my best friends in the world  

**i live in the vents (pidge)** :  the bestestest

**fugkc (hunk)** : what do you want you demon child

**fugkc (hunk)** : you filthy gremlin you

**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : ur interruptin my daily bathing ritual what do you WANT

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : i offer u my love and friendship and you respond like this

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : im hurt

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : also i didn’t do my homework and its due at 5pm

**fugkc (hunk)** : whoomp there it is

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : don’t give me that look

**fugkc (hunk)** : what look you can’t see me

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : I Live In The Vents

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : also i know exactly what face you’re making rn its the “disappointed but not surprised” face bc i see it all the time

**fugkc (hunk)** : because i am always disappointed

**fugkc (hunk)** : and you people are all so predictable that im rarely surprised

**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : hunk

**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : buddy

**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : the great platonic love of my life

**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : my partner in crime

**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : i may have also not…. completed the homework

**fugk (chunk)** : i am the backbone of this study group i s2g

**fugkc (hunk)** : lance Sama is sitting on my lap come in here so you can access it and i can send it to you

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : my night in cat hair covered armor

**fugkc (hunk)** : begone demon

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : i came out to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked rn

**fugkc (hunk)** : u came out in like third grade

**fugkc (hunk)** : WAIT thts not what you meant and i see that now

**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : hunk ‘everything is about bein gay’ garrett

**fugkc (hunk)** : shut your hell

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : im DYIN G JDFFN{E V C V

**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : rip

**fugkc (hunk)** : gone but not forgotten

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : YOU FUCICNNIJNG ASSHOLME

**fugkc (hunk)** : whatever do u mean

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : SDJFNJCV  ROJ nd f  sfng HuNk This Is my tIMe of CrsiKMS You caNT JUstT send ME FcOKLcifng BEE MOVIE MEEME S

**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : meeme s

**fugkc (hunk)** : meeme s

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : i NEED THAT HOMEWORK HUNKWARD GARRETT

**fugkc (hunk)** : MY NAME ISNT ACTUALLY HUNKWARD THAT WAS A JOKE

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : HUNKWARD PLEASE I CANT FAIL PHYSICS

**fugkc (hunk)** : pidge you literally have a 102 in the class

**fugkc (hunk)** : also youre like sixteen and you’re in a sophomore-level college class

**fugkc (hunk)** : chill

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : i cannot CHILL i have ANXIETY you loaf of bread

**fugkc (hunk)** : :(

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : pleeeeeease

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : lance if you convince him to send it to me i might be able to swing you a date with keith

**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : HSADFBF)PEIH VN  WHQAT  
**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : WHAT THE FUCK

**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : i dont want to go on a date with KEITH what gave you that idea you monster i hate you

**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : ajsddnggojSJDNNDSJ

**fugkc (hunk)** : …

**fugkc (hunk)** : i have nothing to contribute to this conversation

**fugkc (hunk)** : im just gonna

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : YOU HAVE INFORMATION

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : tell me m o r e

**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : hunk i swear

**fugkc (hunk)** : lalalalalala

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : HUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNK

**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : i would never go out with keith jfc fjgsdfds

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : sure, jan

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : :eyes:

**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : anYWAYS pidge you should have that file now

**fugkc (hunk)** : you’re welcome

**fugkc (hunk)** : i cant believe you two

**fugkc (hunk)** : yesterday I accidentally set Lance’s shampoo on fire and somehow im STILL the most responsible person in this chat

**Lord of the Bi-s (lance)** : you WHAT

**fugkc (hunk)** : …

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : lance i can hear you yelling from here

**i live in the vents (pidge)** : matt is laughing at you

“Hunk, how the _fuck_ did you set my _shampoo_ on fire?”

“I was putting away the groceries because I went grocery shopping- you’re welcome, by the way- and _somehow_ there was a burner on. Why was your shampoo even in the kitchen, man?”

“I was doing a hair mask,” replied Lance, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Duh.”

“What does that-” Hunk shook his head and laughed. “Nevermind, man.”

“I can’t believe you set my SHAMPOO on fire!”

“I’m sorry?” said Hunk, shrugging. “It was an accident?”

“Oh, bro,” said Lance, “I can’t ever be mad at you.”

“Good,” replied Hunk with a sly smile, “because I went through my photos today, just, you know, for science-”

“You ran out of space for apps?”

“That’s the one,” Hunk replied. He gave a sheepish grin and held up one finger as he used

a free hand to take his phone out. “You will not _believe_ what I found, Lance.”

“Oh god, is it from my emo phase? Because we don’t talk about that.”

“Going to _one_ Fall Out Boy concert does _not_ constitute an emo phase, Lance.” Hunk smiled. “But you know who never left his emo phase?”

“Shiro?” asked Lance, cocking an eyebrow.

“No- well, yes, actually, now that I think of it,” Hunk paused for a moment. The boys looked at each other for a second. “You’re right. God, the broganes are both _really_ fucking emo.”

“Yeah,” said Lance. “They totally are.”

“Anyways, thanks for forgiving me for setting your shampoo on fire. Here’s the photo.”

“I _never_ said I forgave y- _Oh my god, Hunk, if you  ever show that to anyone I will murder you_.”

“Do you even remember that night?” asked Hunk. Lance felt red creeping up his cheeks.

“I mean, not really. I was drunk as hell.”

“Was that-”

“That was Keith’s birthday, yeah.”

Lance looked over at the photo again. It was sweet, he supposed; Keith and Lance lay on the Holts’ couch, legs and arms intertwined, practically nose to nose. It might have been cute if it weren’t he and _Keith_. Keith Kogane.

He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it; it was undeniable that Keith was attractive. Like, really attractive. Keith was one of those people who was just really, really nice to look at. It wasn’t like he was _into_ him. Keith still shopped at Hot Topic and wore the same My Chemical Romance sweatshirt nearly every day. He wore his hair in a stupid, _greasy_ mullet- okay, maybe it wasn’t a mullet, and it was sort of cute when he pulled it up.

“Ugh. _Never_ show that to anyone. Hunk! If you show anyone that-”

“Bro, I would never. I just thought it was _funny_.”

“Hunk, I don’t even _remember_ that night.” He leaned against the crook of Hunk’s arm. Things always felt safer around him. Easier. Lance and Hunk were the type of friends who were never short on physical affection; hugs, cheek kisses, and cuddling were all important parts of their friendship.

“I do,” replied Hunk. He grimaced and shook his head. “What _do_ you remember?”

Lance racked his brain before responding. “Well, Shiro bought Keith a six pack of fancy beer, because he’s a booze snob, and Matt gave him two bottles of svedka because, well, he’s Matt.”

“Right, what else?”

“You were there, Hunk, why are you asking me?” Lance sighed.

Hunk shrugged. “I just want to see what you remember.” A mischievous glint shone in his eye. “I can fill in the blanks.”

“You’re a sadist, Hunk.”

“Eh,” he shrugged. “Go on.”

“Oh, whatever. Anyways, Matt and Shiro left to go- I think that was the night Matt tried to set Shiro up with his boyfriend’s cousin? Anyways, they went out to do… that, and we were in the apartment.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, Shay wasn’t there because she was visiting her grandma, and Pidge was drinking root beer and egging us on. Uh,” Lance struggled to put his thoughts in place, “Keith hates beer, so he gave that to us, and I had, like three of those.”

“I had the other three,” said Hunk, nodding. “It was good.”

“I don’t remember _who_ suggested taking shots-”

“It was you, Lance-”

“Anyways, I started doing shots, and I lost count somewhere around five.” He rubbed his chin. “I woke up in Pidge’s room on the floor. She dumped water on me.”

“That’s it?” said Hunk, raising an eyebrow. That glint in his eye reappeared. “You don’t remember the…” he shook his head. “No, I suppose you wouldn’t.”

“The… what?” asked Lance, his interest suddenly piqued. “Tell me,” he warned. “Hunk!”

Hunk, whose face had been slipping into a devious grin, started to chuckle. “You really don’t remember?”

“No.”

“You really, really don’t remember?”

“ _No,_ ” replied Lance, a little more forcefully than he had intended.

“Fine,” said Hunk, “But you aren’t going to like this.”

“What did I do? Try to fight Keith or something? Dude probably deserved it.”

“Lance, it was his _birthday,_ ” chided Hunk. “Anyways, no, you didn’t try to fight him. You convinced him to take shots. Like, a lot of shots.”

“No way, bro.”

“Keith Kogane is a fucking lightweight,” said Hunk, cracking a smile. “But, yeah, you two got, like, fucking plastered. I took away Pidge’s phone because I thought she was going to start snapchatting- which, for the record, she was _totally_ about to do-”

“-so instead of letting her take pictures, you did it?”

“Exactly. Anyways, you and Keith decided you wanted to watch a movie and you fell asleep on the couch together watching Finding Dory.”

“That’s all?” asked Lance, confusion etched clearly across his face. After all, that didn’t seem _too_ bad. Lance knew he got touchy when he was drinking. He was always affectionate. On the other hand, it was definitely interesting to know that Keith got cuddly, too. It was sort of cute.

“Lance, you were _all over each other_. I nearly sent Pidge home.”

“Wait, did we-”

“Oh, no, no, you didn’t,” said Hunk with a note of reassurance in his voice. He made a dismissive motion. “I wouldn’t have let you do that. You were both drunk as hell. No way. But, like, yeah.”

“We didn’t kiss or anything, did we? Jesus, Hunk, I feel like this is something you tell a guy about the next morning.”

“No, nothing like that, you were just so…” he shrugged. “I don’t know how to describe it. You guys had this... chemistry, I guess, when you were drunk enough to set aside your whole weird rivalry.”

“Keith and I do not have _chemistry_!”

The door to Hunk’s room swung open and Shay stepped in. She was holding a large bowl of popcorn in one hand, and her phone in the other.

“Hey, Lance,” she said. “Thought you and Keith had psychology together, not chemistry.” Shay sat down on the other side of Hunk. He wrapped an arm around her.

“Thank you, Shay, you’re right. Keith and I have _psych_ , not chem.” Lance looked over at Shay and the bowl of popcorn. His stomach grumbled, but Lance was nothing if not someone who could take a hint. He clambered to his feet, reached across Hunk to grab a large handful of popcorn, and started out the door.

“See you guys later,” he said. “I’m off to work on some chemistry.”  
As the door shut behind him, Lance took his phone out of his pocket and opened his messages. He clicked on a name. Keith’s name. As he stared at the screen, he found himself too intimidated by the blinking line in the “messages” bar to type anything.

  



	2. An Agent Of Chaos

**Bad Witches (girl's chat)**

**8:46 pm, Monday**

 

 **fucc (pidge)** : ladies, i’ve gathered you all here today to discuss two of our dearest friends

 **fucc (pidge)** : well maybe not dearest

 **fucc (pidge)** : anyways keith and lance amirite

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : YES OM FG WHAT IS UP WITH THEM ANYWAYS

 **beyon-shay (shay)** : i was JUST wondering the same thing! That thing with the cat last night thoooooooo

 **fucc (pidge)** : i feel some meddling coming on

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : last time you meddled lance fell out of a moving car and shiro got punched by a mime

 **fucc (pidge)** : maybe so but this time i can feel it

 **fucc (pidge)** : its gonna be good

 **beyon-shay (shay)** : hunk is going to be PISSED if lance and keith start fighting because you set them up

 **beyon-shay (shay)** : this isn’t to say i dont fully support whatever keith lance thing you’ve got going on here because that’s not the case at all but like. Tread lightly, little pigeon

 **fucc (pid** **ge)** : of course i will ive never overdone anything in my life subtlety is my forte

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : yeah no that’s ...not correct

 **fucc (pidge)** : shhhh im a genius

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : shay pidge is tapping on my wall in morse code

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : she says “im gay”

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : this is not groundbreaking information pidge

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : you remind us of this all the time

 **beyon-shay (shay)** : nice

 **beyon-shay (shay)** : so anyways, keith and lance

 **fucc (pidge)** : yES OKAY SO im pretty sure something happened or something because hunk has EVIDENCE that he is withholding from me unless its just from keef’s birthday when they were bein weird

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : evidence that he is withholting, if you will

 **fucc (pidge)** : no i wont. Anyways, keith is Gay™ and Emo™, and you’re lucky to have an expert on both of those things here but we need someone to deal with the lance side of things

 **beyon-shay (shay)** : honestly i think allura and i can both deal w lance i mean i live with him and she works with him so we can take care of this

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : we need a plan of attack

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : also every time you and keith hang out it ends in actual literal chaos so please be careful

 **fucc (pidge)** : how DARE you accuse me

 **fucc (pidge)** : Katie Holt

 **fucc (pidge)** : of being an agent of chaos

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : do i need to remind you of the last time you meddled again because shiro still gets mad when someone wears stripes

 **beyon-shay (shay)** : you know i’ve been hearing about this story for a few months now and a little part of me wants to know more but also most of me wants nothing to do with any of that

 **fucc (pidge)** : u live on the floor now

 **fucc (pidge)** : ur a part of this family

 **fucc (pidge)** : so anyways, i just went over to see keith and everything about that was a bad idea

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : elaborate

 **beyon-shay (shay)** : im concerned

 **fucc (pidge)** : keith is making fun of shiro

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : lol good

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : but like why

 **fucc (pidge)** : keith thinks shiro has a crush on the new physics teacher at his school

 **fucc (pidge)** : and he totally does

 **fucc (pidge)** : the dude moved here from like pakistan or something which is cool

 **fucc (pidge)** : oh my gOD shiro is blushing

 **fucc (pidge)** : [uploaded image]

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : LOL

 **beyon-shay (shay)** : that’s so cute tell him i hope it works out

 **fucc (pidge)** : i did and he said he’s no longer speaking to me

 **fucc (pidge)** : he’s the ADULT here im a small innocent child how dare hE

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : you’re small but youre not……. Innocent you demon

 **beyon-shay (shay)** : allura please

 **beyon-shay (shay)** : she’s a gremlin not a demon

 **fucc (pidge)** : thank you shay

 **beyon-shay (shay)** : you’re welcome!

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : blocked and reported

 **beyon-shay (shay)** : :(

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : :(

 **fucc (pidge)** : :)

 **fucc (pidge)** : hey next time you see shiro ask him about his boyfriend

 **fucc (pidge)** : also check the group chat :eyes:

**Voltrans Lesbiandary Gayfenders of the Ubiverse** ****  


**8:58 pm, Sunday**

 

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : SHIRO SEND PICS OF YOUR NEw BO Y FREN D

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : katie no

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : HIS NAME IS SLAV ANJUM

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : im addin him on facebook

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : me too

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : dam he cute tho

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** :  im gonna add him on fb too

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : guys come on don’t do this

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : sorry i cant hear you over the sound of the friend request button

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : et tu, keith?

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : scar, brother, please

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : long live the king

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : [uploaded image]

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : facebook: located. Friend request: sent. Response: awaited. *i am forcibly removed from apartment 2c*

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : betrayal

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : all of you. Traitors.

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : :(

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : pidge told us to check the group chat and honestly? I’m disappointed but in no way am i suprised

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : you fuckign weirdos

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : im adding him too

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : PLEASE you are all CHILDREN its not OKAY for you to add a grown ass man you dont KNOW on facebook

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : also we’re all mutual friends and he’s going to know i mentioned him and i cant deal with that

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : lets focus on something more important than that: keith’s birthday

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : i will kill you

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : its gonna be rainbow themed

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : because im GAY?

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : no because you’re emo and i like making you miserable

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : lov u too bro

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : keef

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : what do u want for ur bday

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : i have like four dollars but i know how to make a p good friendship bracelet if i may say so myself

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : for my birtday i would like you to not make me a friendship bracelet

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : birtday

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : birtday

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : birtday

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : birtday

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : birtday

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : birtday

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : WAIT ITS ALMOST YOUR BIRTHDAY? Keith that’s so exciting! Yay!

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : see SOMEONE appreciates me

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : i can crochet you something how do you feel about scarves

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : i have a lot of black yarn

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : shay I’m adopting you as my best friend

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : !!! yay

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : the rest of you? Blockedt

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : but keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeef

[keith has left the chat.]

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : keith is crying right now

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : [uploaded image]

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : that’s just keith giving you the finger

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : he’s crying on the inside

[keith has joined the chat.]

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : did you all miss me

**hunk is afraid of gno**

**mes (shay)** : yes!

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : theoretically

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : no

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : shay is my only friend

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : EJJFNS{DORGUWOG

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : oh  good we’re keysmashing again what is it this time

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : coran just knocked on the door

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : hES GONNA FIND THE CATS

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : fucc he found them

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** :...update: there is a cat licking coran’s mustache

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : is it sama

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : yes

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : i was TRYING to watch stranger things on the couch in the COMFORT of my own HOME with Azul and fuckijg coran just. Fuckvifnf

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : wait. You’re watching stranger things

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : yes?

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : ...me too…

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : how sweet

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : how is that sweet we’re just watching the same show

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : keef want to watch it with me

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : lance there are two seasons of it where are you in it

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : if anyone cares Coran says everyone can keep the cats but he wants to meet them all and also love them

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : victory

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : im rewatching season 1 im on episode five

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : im watching it for the first time and im on episode five too

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : no way

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : so no one cares that we all get to keep the cats

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : im allergic to cats i told pidge she couldn’t have one

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : this doesn’t affect us

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : about that

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : verde may or not be living in our apartment

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : is that why i had to use my inhaler three times yesterday

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : i hate you

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : [uploaded an image]

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : matt shes the cute one

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : they’re all cute, katie

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : KEEF COME OVER

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : what no im in bed i dont want to move

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : [uploaded image]

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : keith is giving you the finger again. revolutionary

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : my brother is so mean to me

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : i hate you

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : i will turn this car around or so help me

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : we’re not??? In a car????

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : KEITH IM GONNA DRAG U OUT OF BED

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : keith he’s leaving the apartment

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : FINE shiro is making me come over

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : your apt is the messiest one why do we always all end up hanging out there

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : because you love us

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : because if people don’t come over i will lose my mind with these two around

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : im coming but only because shay needs me to

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : mr steal yo girl hunk

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : pidge im GAY

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : aren’t we all

 

**google search: how 2 adult**

 

 **the gorgeous man (coran)** : boys! these cats are wonderful!

 **the gorgeous man (coran)** : Shiro, I hear you and Keith adopted two. Matt, Lance said Pidge took one.

 **the gorgeous man (coran)** : just wanted to let you know that I’m making an exception to this pet-free building!

 **the gorgeous man (coran)** : oh! Also, Shiro! I ran into pidge in the hallway. She said to congratulate you on your new boyfriend!   
**danny devito can vore me (matt)** : SDSODFSDGO{SBGSDGD4

 **ramen nudle (shiro)** : matt im going to kill your sister

 **danny devito can vore me (matt)** : ASDJJFBDSOFF

 **the gorgeous man (coran)** : Matt, did you drop yogurt on your keyboard again?

 **danny devito can vore me (matt)** : nah im good i just remembered that shiro’s boyfriend added me back on facebook

 **ramen nudle (shiro)** : Sorry we didn’t warn you about the cats, Coran! Also, he is _not_ my boyfriend. Matt and the kids are just teasing.

 **the gorgeous man (coran)** : Oh. Well, good luck with all of that, then!

 **danny devito can vore me (matt)** : jaslsjdf’fgsfg

 **the gorgeous man (coran)** : oh no. Matt, did you drop something on your keyboard again?

 **ramen nudle (shiro)** : Matt’s just being annoying.

 **the gorgeous man (coran)** : oh.

 **danny devito can vore me (matt)** : im hurt

 **danny devito can vore me (matt)** : anyways shiro tell ur brother to have fun on his date

 **the gorgeous man (coran)** : ooh! Tell keith I’m rooting for him!

  
Lance heard a knock on the door. Keith had been right; his apartment _was_ the messiest, despite Hunk’s efforts to change that. Shay was no help, either; she was just as messy as Lance. The cats didn’t seem to mind so long as the litter box was clean and they had a place to eat and sleep. Even Coran hadn’t been fazed when he saw it; this lead him to wonder what kind of state Coran’s own apartment was in.

“Come in, Keith!” he called. Coran sat up, Sama and Azul climbing off his chest as he wiped the cat fur off with his hands.

“Oh! Keith is coming over? Excellent!” Coran twisted his mustache. “I haven’t seen him in weeks!” Keith stepped through the door in a red hoodie and black jeans. “Hello, number four!”

“Number four?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Remember when he ranked us by height?”

“Vaguely,” replied Keith, scratching his head. “Pidge was five, I was four, you were three,  Shiro was two, and because Hunk is, like, nine feet tall, he was one.”

“Bingo!” said Coran, stroking Azul’s back. This drew out a gentle purr, and a smile from Lance. He already loved that cat, and Coran clearly did, too. She was sweet and very pretty; she had been Lance’s favorite from the start. When he had found the writhing, mewling bag of kittens, he opened it up as quickly as possible. His eyes met with Azul’s, and he knew he would do anything to keep her safe. Of course he cared for the others, but Azul had been especially quick to warm up to him.

It seemed as if there was something about Lance that made people feel welcome; even if he didn’t open himself up to other people, they opened up to him. He was always trying to be friendly, even if he didn’t particularly like someone; this led to him easily being led on, stepped on, and often mistreated. He loved to share how he felt with the world- sometimes over exaggerating to get his point across- but this also meant Lance was prone to getting hurt. A lot. When it came to friendships, Lance was good at building and maintaining them. Hunk had been his best friend since they met at an engineering camp at age fourteen; they’d both applied and been accepted to Garrison University, a prestigious polytechnic institute rivaled only by MIT. where they became roommates. Friendships usually came so naturally to Lance.

Romance was different. Lance had thought he was going to marry his highschool girlfriend, Aliyah, until it was senior year and they were both staring down the barrel of tens of thousands of dollars of debt and schools on opposite coasts; and so, his first love was lost. Freshman year was spent in mourning. Hunk quickly began dating Shay, and a series of failed dates led Lance to a lot of long nights sleeping alone. It wasn’t until he met Nyma, the cute girl downstairs, that the seeds of hope were planted back in him. Three dates later, he was ready to be her boyfriend. She had other plans. When that fell through, Lance swore off love forever. That didn’t stop his unruly, fast-moving brain from moving onto the next thing. The next thing being Keith Kogane.

He shook off the thought and moved on. There were more important things to worry about than the boy across the hall with the soft black hair and the eyes that were nearly purple in most lighting. That wasn’t something he needed to concern himself with. What he did need to worry about, now, was the first season of stranger things. Will Byers was missing, and Lance would rather concern himself with that than the real-life problem that was sitting next to him.

 

=====

 

“Well, boys, it’s been a lot of fun, but this old man’s really got to get moving. Lotor says the faucet in his apartment is dripping, and I never like to keep him waiting.” Coran shook his head and stood up. “He’s a very aggressive man.”

Lance tossed his hands up in the air. “Hey man, you said it, not me.” Coran gave a gentle chuckle, stroked his mustache, and stepped  out the door. Lance could practically _feel_ the awkward silence set in. Thinking back on it, Lance didn’t think he had ever been alone with Keith. There had always been a sort of unspoken rivalry between them, and he didn’t know why. Maybe Keith just hated him.

“Want to start episode eight?” asked Keith, looking a little sleepy. Keith being a  little sleepy equaled Keith looking very cute in Lance’s book, but he chose to ignore it. He yawned and rolled his shoulders, stretching out his arms with his hands in the sleeves of his sweatshirt.

“I’m kinda hungry, actually,” said Lance. In all honesty, he just wanted to stretch his legs and walk around. At the same time, though, he decided that he definitely _could_ go for some ice cream. There should have been some chocolate in the freezer, unless Hunk and Allura had eaten it again.

A cat brushed against Lance’s feet. It was Sama. Of course. She had a habit of appearing at your heels whenever you stepped into the kitchen. Lance leaned down and picked her up.

“You want a snack, huh?” he asked. “Alright. I’ll give you some roast beef or something, but you can’t tell Hunk.”

“What?” asked Keith.

“I was talking to the cat,” said Lance. “Unless you want some lunch meat?”

“Yeah, I’m… I’m really all set here.”

“Just making sure. You want some ice cream?”

Keith gave a happy groan and yawned again. “Yeah, sure,” he said. His brow furrowed as if he were thinking very hard about something. It was a little cute, Lance decided. “Actually, I think I’m craving ice cream right now.”

“You and me both, man.” Lance put Sama down and reached into the fridge to pull out a piece of roast beef and toss it to Sama. She caught it in her mouth, gave a loud purr, and headed back down the hallway towards Hunk and Shay’s room. “You greedy little shit,” he chuckled, shaking his head.

“What?” called Keith again. He stood up and walked over to Lance, climbing up and sitting on the kitchen island. Keith’s sweatshirt was riding up his hip, but Lance tore his eyes away from that. He pulled open the freezer door and looked inside. Frozen peas… most of a chicken… some of Shay’s weird vegan “ice cream”. No thank you.

“Sorry, man,” said Lance. “Nothing.”

“Fuck,” grumbled Keith. “I was really looking forward to that.”

An idea struck Lance as he let the freezer door shut. “We could go to Kaltenecker’s,” he said, with a mischievous grin.

“Kaltenecker’s? That’s like half a mile from here.”

“They’ve got the best milkshakes in Boston. I promise, they’re twenty-four hours!”

“Are you sure?” asked Keith, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Yeah, come on.” Lance headed for the door and gestured for Keith to do the same. “My treat.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, man. No worries. You saved me from hanging out alone all night, right? It’s only right that I treat you to a good milkshake.”

Keith cocked a curious eyebrow, amusement and curiosity dancing across his face. He shook away the  alluring expression, much to Lance’s disappointment. “Alright, then, let’s go.”   
  
=====

 

Keith had never thought much about it, but milkshakes were _definitely_ worth the horrible stomach cramps that came with drinking them. Then again, it always depended on the hour and the company; in this particular case, the late night and the boy who sat across the table made him giddy enough to not worry. Being lactose intolerant was a problem for future Keith, not present Keith. In the moment, Keith just wanted to stare into pretty blue eyes and talk classes, and cats, and all of Lance’s one billion theories about Stranger Things.

“I’m telling you, Keith, the upside down is really _the future,_ right? Because the eighties was still technically the cold war, yeah? All I’m saying is that Hawkins _totally_ gets nuked, and the upside down is actually the radioactive future.”Lance finished speaking as Keith lost himself in those eyes. This big, beautiful, _blue_ eyes.

Lance was gorgeous, and Keith could tell he knew it, too. This only made Keith all the more self-conscious. Still, there was something inexplicably welcoming about the warmth in his smile; something about the way the corners of his mouth upturned as he sipped his milkshake. He had a square marble stud in each ear. They caught the fluorescent light that dipped from the ceiling and the orange-ish light that shone through the window off of the streets. Lance had one of those sharp sort of faces, with high cheekbones and a slim jaw; there was a gentle glitter over his cheeks that night have been highlighter. Keith nearly reached his finger out to swipe it off, but he didn’t dare. He didn’t want to jeopardize a night with Lance.

Keith had had a small, miniscule, practically nonexistent crush on Lance nearly since they met. Lance, on the other hand, seemed to hate Keith from the start. Lance didn’t really begin to warm up to Keith until the summer after freshman year; a snapchat streak turned into a daily conversation, and a daily conversation turned to a blossoming friendship. Now it was sophomore year, and Keith was beginning to feel like he wanted more. Possibly even more than what Lance could give him. Keith didn’t mind, though. He’d ruined friendships for sex before. It was the best, fastest way to get close to someone if only for a little while.

Keith had never been a romantic.

Still, that night at Kaltenecker’s, he wondered when that moment would be. The moment their friendship would turn to passion and then to dust. Lance must have seen the way Keith’s hungry, affection starved eyes ran over him; after all, there was no way he hadn’t. Keith had quite a habit of looking at pretty things. If he had his way, Keith would take a thousand photos of Lance and put every single one in an art museum. A boy like that didn’t deserve to stay hidden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! Hope you enjoyed the second chapter. This has been really fun to write so far! I have the rest of the story mostly written, but updates will likely be pretty sporadic. This will probably end up being around ten or so chapters, maybe a bit longer. Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are very,very appreciated. Also, you can find my tumblr @daibazaaltea !! Follow if you like anti blogs and appreciate Pidge :D


	3. Lord Toad Can Eat My ENTIRE Ass

 

**Saturday**

**7:33 pm**

 

**Keith- Pidge**

 

 **Keith** : pidge i think i have a problem

 **Pidge** : throw the body in the charles. That’ll take care of it

 **Keith** : what

 **Keith** : i didn’t kill anyone nor do i plan to

 **Keith** : also if you throw a body in the charles river you _will_ get caught

 **Pidge** : u dont know my life

 **Keith** : pidge you couldnt even _carry_ a body

 **Pidge** : anyways if you look past all of your unnecessary lack of faith in me im still the one u come to when you have a problem

 **Pidge** : so spill it, mullet

 **Keith** : lance and i have been watching stranger things

 **Keith** : and I only went over because shiro said he wanted me to spend more time with you all because im being “anti social” or whatever

 **Pidge** : you are antisocial. Go on

 **Keith** : whatever. Anyways i went over the last couple days so shiro would leave me alone

 **Keith** : and lance was being like normal right like regular lance

 **Keith** : and he keeps acting normal???

 **Pidge** : so let me get this straight you have a problem because lance was acting normal

 **Keith** : no just listen you huge nerd he's being normal lance and we aren’t fighting or anything and he was being really nice???????? And im confused???????

 **Pidge** : you’re GAY

 **Keith** : no shit pigeon

 **Pidge** : lance is a BOY

 **Keith** :  i don’t like what you’re implying here

 **Pidge** : fine then ill say it directly then you FCUKGIN LIKE LANCE

 **Keith** : no?

 **Pidge** : i h8 u

 **Keith** : anyways we finished season one last night and we’re going to marathon season two tomorrow

 **Pidge** : u kno who’s gay

 **Keith** : i have a feeling ur going to say me

 **Pidge** : will byers

 **Keith** : what

 **Pidge** : also you

 **Keith** : this is a stupid conversation and im deleting it immediately

 **Pidge** : whatever

 **Pidge** : keith

 **Pidge** : keeeeeeeith

 **Pidge** : u cant ignore me if you’re talking in the group chat u danged fool

 

**Voltrans Lesbiandary Gayfenders of the Ubiverse**

  **7:42 pm**

 

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : hey does anybody have a copy of the martian my astronomy professor busted a nut and wants us all to read it

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : yOuR aStRoNoMy PrOfEsSoR dId _what_

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : isnt that a saying? He busted a nut? Like he’s out of his mind?

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : SDJFNSDJ:JFNWEWGSDG

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS AND PUTTING IT ON TWITTER IM LAUHGHINT SO HARD

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : wait what why

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : lance why

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : i think that’s some form of harassment dude

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : oh keith honey no

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : wait what does it mean????? I thought it meant the same thing

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : oh my sweet sweet innocent children

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : pidge ew we’re not having this conversation w you here

[matt kicked pidge from the chat]

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : anyways im not explaining it bc that’s weird

[Allura invited pidge to the chat]

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : PIDGE WHAT DOES IT MEAN

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : no no no no no this is a family chat pg13 at WORST

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : im not going to stand by whilst you all TAINT my brother’s mind

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : ‘taint’ you say?

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : sbsfLBNUGOSIDLN HUNK IM COMING TO YOUR ROOM TO HIGH FIV EOYOU

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : im at work

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : ugh lord toad just gave me a “look” because my phone keeps going off

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : lord toad?

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : what does bust a nut mean

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : i hate this conversation

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : matt just threatened my LIFE if i tell u what it means

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : so im gonna dm you

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : thank you pidge

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : PIDGE DO NOT

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : pidge…… dont

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : she just sent me a link???

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : pidge you fuckijgn gremlin she just sent me the link to never gonna give you up _again_

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : u been rickrolled

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : i got you buddy hang on keith

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : jesus christ hunk no

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : LORD TOAD JUST TOLD ME THIS FLOOR WAS TOO LOUD

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : please start being louder

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : oh my god

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : hunk you didn’t

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : sorry man someone had to tell him

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : I STILL DONT KNOW WHAT BUST A NUT MEANS AND I HATE MY ROOMMATE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : i’m missing out on something here i think? Who is lord toad

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : i don’t think ive ever met your roommate

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : hes the WORST

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : i HATE HIM

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : lord toad can eat my entire ASS

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : did u all just hear me scream

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : allura tell lord toad that was for him ;)

**bullshit intolerant (allura)**

**bullshit intolerant (allura)** : lord toad is my roommate Chad Lotor who for some fucogn reason goes by his last name because he is a DOUCHECANOE

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : he is the worst

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : one time we invited him over and he looked at me like i was gum on his shoe

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : im gunna fucc him up ill throw these hands

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : im stronger than you ill hold him down while you throw your hands

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : hunk we are bi/pan solidarity i love you man

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : hunk please don’t get into fights

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : im joking i wont

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : ...probably

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : what does that mean

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : as much as we all hate lord toad can we take a moment to appreciate the blanket nest of shame and regret that keith has made in our living room

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : i cant BELIEVE i didnt know that i hate all of you

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : im going to pretend this never happened

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : oh honey did you google it

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : im disgusted

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : she googled it

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : reckt

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : top ten saddest anime deaths

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : pidge, the meme demon

 **the green gremlin (pidge)** : im changing my name to the meme’in demon

[Pidge changed their name to The Meme’in Demon (pidge)]

 **The Meme’in Demon (pidge)** : yeet

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : im

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : keith do u want to watch stranger things again

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : i dont want to look any of you in the eye ever again

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : i still have left over ice cream

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : i can make an exception

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : gay

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : gay

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : gay

 **The Meme’in Demon (pidge)** : gay

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : gay

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : wait so you guys _are_ together?

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : NO

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : NO

 **The Meme’in Demon (pidge)** : not yet

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : NONONONONONONO

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : i could never date a man with a mullet

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : i could never date LANCE oh my GOD

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : hunk is laughing at me

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : sry babe i love you

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : awwwww

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : hmmmmmmm this is v het

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : matthew samuel holt my boyfriend and i are both pan and u kno this

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : how dare you accuse me of heterosexuality

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : my b  

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : keith and i are snugglin

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : [uploaded image]

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : eugh why did you take that picture

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : also get off of me i cant breathe

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : [uploaded image]

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : im leaving for work so im about to leave these boys to it but just know that they were both alive when i left

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : i could never hurt keef

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : lance i could kick your ass

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : u want to go mullet

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : pls no fighting

 **(wake me up inside) (keith)** : lance just threw a  pillow at my face i have to go

 **The Meme’in Demon (pidge)** : have fun with your pillow fight assholes

 

**Grown Ups: google search: how 2 adult**

  **7:54 pm**

 

 **the gorgeous man (coran)** : hello! Just wanted to check in and see how things were going? Rolo and Nyma on the third floor said they heard a lot of screaming from downstairs.

 **ramen nudle (shiro)** : Oh! I’m not sure. I’m not there right now. I’ve gone out to dinner.

 **danny devito can vore me (matt)** : with his BOYFRIEND

 **the gorgeous man (coran):** oh! So you are dating then? Marvelous!

 **danny devito can vore me (matt)** : mazel tov

 **ramen nudle (shiro)** : no, we are still not together. Matt, i think the screaming is your sister, probably.

 **danny devito can vore me (matt)** : thats probbabaly true but i have no way of checkin

 **the gorgeous man (coran)** : oh, have you gone out too? I could send allura to go check on her if you’d like.

 **danny devito can vore me (matt)** : nah im in my room w noise canceling headphones in

 **danny devito can vore me (matt)** : oh wait i hear it now yeah its her

 **danny devito can vore me (matt):** she’s yellin at me to do the dishes because it annoys lotor when she yells

 **the gorgeous man (coran)** : ah.

 **the gorgeous man (coran)** : just between us, I cant stand Chad and i wish Allura would just kick him out already.

 **danny devito can vore me (matt)** : reckt

 **ramen nudle (shiro)** : I’ve got to go. My colleague is here. Have a nice night!

 **danny devito can vore me (matt)** : give him a kiss for me

 **the gorgeous man (coran)** : have fun, Shiro!

 

**Bad Witches (Girl's chat)**

  **7:59 pm**

 

 **** **** **** **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : so from what i can see from the group chat keith and lance are hanging out

 **fucc (pidge)** : and i havent even meddled yet

 **fucc (pidge)** : maybe we dont actually need to meddle this time?

 **fucc (pidge)** : jk but could u imagine

 **beyon-shay (shay)** : sorry guys I can’t talk right now! Hunk and I are out for our anniversary dinner!

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : have fun!

 **fucc (pidge)** : use protection

 **beyon-shay (shay)** : pidge please

 **watch ur fuckin language (allura)** : jesus christ

 **fucc (pidge)** : jeezz i just wanted to REMIND you

 **beyon-shay (shay)** : anyways bye!

 

 

**Voltrans Lesbiandary Gayfenders of the Ubiverse**

**9:54 pm**

 

[Pidge changed their name to Schemin’ Meme’in Demon]

 

 

**11:22 pm**

 

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : shiro come collect your keef

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : [uploaded image]

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : he sleep

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : lance im bussy

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : bussy

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : bussy?

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : your what

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : im busssys im drurjk

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : oh my god

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : [uploaded image]

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : the broganez r both gonnnnne

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : amtt whwere are

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : HBFd asdvsd;nASHfn shiro looks WASTED

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : pidge is trying to sleep and shiro just came in drunk

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : this is why we put locks on our doors

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : so shiro doesn’t wander in drunk at

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : oh my god its only 11pm shiro is a lightweight

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : or he drank way too much on his date

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : maybe he’s a nervous drinker

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : wmwastnt a date slab is my friend

 **shiro is a furry (matt)** : shiro is so gone lance tell keith when he wakes up that shiro is crashing on the holts couch

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** :  thanmsdk math

[matt changed their name to Math (matt)]

 **Math(matt)** : asbgfgkjsfdg ur welcome bro

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : this is matt ive confiscated his phone because he just tried to call his colleague

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : [uploaded image]

 **but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (shiro)** : thats one for the books

 **Math (matt):** do u guys like my selfie with passed out shiro

 **The Schemin’ Meme’in Demon (pidge)** : draw a dick on his face

 **Math (matt)** : you have to meet your study group at 8am go to bed

 **The Schemin’ Meme’in Demon (pidge)** : never

 **The Schemin’ Meme’in Demon (pidge)** : u fool i havent slept in years

 **The Schemin’ Meme’in Demon (pidge)** : while you were sleeping, i studied the blade

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : keith is the one who sleeps with a knife

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : he WHAT

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : bro how did u not know this

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : im a little intimidated

 **The Schemin’ Meme’in Demon (pidge)** : sure, jan

 **Math (matt)** : pidge go to bed or ill tell mom and dad to make you move back home

 **The Schemin’ Meme’in Demon (pidge)** : goodb

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : wow matt killed her before she could even finish speaking

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : rip

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : katie holt found dead in miami

 **Math (matt)** : i hd the power and i used it

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : keith is probably sleeping here

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : im gonna call it a night too

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : goodnight

 **Math (matt)** : night

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : night

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : we’ll be quiet when we come back

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : night bro i miss u every moment

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : :heart: love you bro

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** :  how am _i_ the third wheel in this relationship

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** : lance is the jelly to my peanut butter but bby you’re the bread

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : awwww babe

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : what does that even mean

 **he was a traitor boi (hunk)** :  ily

 **hunk is afraid of gnomes (shay)** : ily2

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : ily3

 **bullshit intolerant (allura)** : ily4

 **The Schemin’ Meme’in Demon (pidge)** : i hate everyone

 **boom goes the bi-namite (lance)** : im goin 2 bed hate u pidge love u all

 **Math (matt)** : katie holt if you don’t go to bed im going to be on the phone with mom in the next 30 seconds

 **The Schemin’ Meme’in Demon (pidge)** : :(

 

When Keith next woke up, it took him a moment to place where he was. Faded yellow walls. Popcorn ceiling.

Apartment 4D.

He sat up fast- a little _too_ fast. He shut his eyes to take a few last moments of rest before opening them and turning to face the kitchen. Something smelled really, really good. Keith couldn’t quite place the scent, but it was lovely. Hunk must have been cooking again.

“Lance?” he asked, surprised to see anyone other than Hunk or Shay cooking in the kitchen. Sure enough, Lance was flipping pancakes on the shiny stovetop.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty. Good to see you up and at ‘em.” Lance’s playful smile made Keith’s heart melt. Then it sank.

“What time did I fall asleep?” he asked, standing up and making his way over to the counter. “Sorry if I ruined your night.”

“What?” asked Lance, his brow furrowed in confusion. “You didn’t ruin my night. I fell asleep a little while after you did. No worries, my man. I woke up twenty minutes ago.”

“Really?” asked Keith, cocking an eyebrow. “I didn’t inconvenience you?” he leaned against the counter on one elbow, absentmindedly pulling up his sweatshirt to scratch his side.

Lance paused for a moment, giving Keith an amused once-over. “Definitely not,” he said. “I had a great night.”

“Mmm,” Keith groaned. “Pancakes?” he asked.

“Hell yeah,” said Lance, flipping a large one over. Batter flew all over the stovetop, spattering Keith’s hoodie and Lance’s t-shirt.

They looked at each other for a moment before they both burst out laughing. Keith couldn’t help it; he _wanted_ to be mad. It would be totally _normal_ for him to be mad.

But he didn’t mind.

“That… might have been a little too early,” said Lance, giving a sheepish grin.

“Maybe a little,” chuckled Keith, swiping a finger through the pancake batter on the front of his shirt and tasting it. “Good mix, though.” He didn’t know what else to say. In all honesty, it tasted just like any other pancake mix.

“Thanks. I did it from scratch because all I could find was Shay’s vegan mix, and I didn’t want to use it up.” Lance blushed a little, trying not to look prideful. “I’m really an awful cook, but Hunk has been trying to teach me lately. I like to think I’m getting better.”

Keith smiled gently and hoisted himself up on the kitchen island once more. “I’ll be the judge of that.”

“Sure you will, mullet man. Oh, also, I made them lactose free, because don’t think I’ve forgotten about the Kaltenecker’s incident.” Lance gave him a look that was playful, yet pointed. “Shiro said you cried.”

“Shiro is a liar. Maybe not in that particular incident, but…”

Lance chuckled and flipped the first pancake onto a plate. “Whatever,” he said. “There’s margarine and syrup in the fridge, you heathen.”

Keith smiled, staring down at the pancake. There was something that felt… wrong. The situation was feeling a bit domestic.

Something activated the fight-or-flight reflex in him. He stood up quickly, hating himself with every tiny inch his body moved, until he was standing. Lance glanced over from the pancakes to look at him.

“Everything okay?”

“I just remembered, I should probably… go check on Shiro.”

“Oh,” said Lance, eyes casting downward. Keith wanted to take Lance’s face in his hands and whisper, ‘ _you’ve done nothing wrong’_ , or _‘if I knew I wouldn’t fuck this up, I would stay for the rest of my life’_ , with a kiss for good measure.

But he didn’t do or say any of these things. No, Keith Kogane fled.

 

By the time he was back in his own room, the feeling of anxiety in his chest had subsided. In its place was that sick, twisted being that made him hate himself; embarrassment and regret. What if he had stayed? No, even better- what if he had never gone at all in the first place?

What if, what if, what if.

He was sick of thinking about it, but that’s what  living with anxiety was. Every action seemed wrong. This was why he was so impulsive; he was going to fuck it up no matter what, so what was the point of planning ahead?

“Keith?” said Shiro’s voice. He looked around wildly to locate his brother.

“Sh- Shiro?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “Where did you go?”

“I’m on the couch,” he groaned.

Sure enough, there was Shiro. It was sort of funny to see his uber athletic, responsible-to-a-fault brother doubled over on the couch in sweats and a the same button down from the night before.

“Your date was that good, huh?” asked Keith, making his way into the kitchen. Someone had already made coffee, so Keith poured a cup for himself and another for Shiro.

“It wasn’t a _date_.” grumbled Shiro. Keith walked around the couch until he was standing in front of Shiro, his favorite NASA mug full of coffee.

“You can have the coffee if you tell me the truth.”

“Come on, Keith!” Shiro sighed. “I don’t know _what_ it was. He was really nice. I told him I’d show him around the city and… I did. Then, all of a sudden, we’re doing shots in the North End.”

“You made him do _shots_?” Keith barked out a laugh, settling on the couch next to Shiro and handing him his mug.

“It was _his_ idea.”

“That sounds like a lie,” said Keith.

“I’m serious!” said Shiro. “We started talking about the chemistry of alcohol-”

“-of course-”

“-and then he was like ‘well, who the hell would we be if we didn’t get a little bit of research done’.” Shiro shook his head. “So we started with gin and tonic, and we ended with fireball shots.”

“Lovely,” said Keith. “Did he have to drag your drunk ass home?”

“Nah, I took him home then caught the T back here. I guess I ended up in the Holt’s apartment, but for some reason Katie has a key to our apartment- remind me to change the locks- and here I am.”

“Sounds like a fun night,” Keith sucked in air through his teeth. “I ended up staying with Lance.”

“So I heard. How was it, huh?” Shiro’s eyes seemed to be asking for information, but Keith knew he could withhold any information and Shiro wouldn’t care. There were few secrets between them, but Shiro never pushed for anything. He knew full well that Keith would come around when he was ready.

“I don’t know,” Keith fought the desire to blush. “It was just Lance. We were just watching Stranger Things again.”

“Nice,” said Shiro. He paused for a moment. “God,” he shut his eyes, “you know what I need?”

“If it’s that disgusting hangover cure, it’s not happening.” Keith shook his head. “No way. That is so _gross_ , Shiro.”

“It works,” he said, clambering to his feet. He glanced down at his shirt. “God, I hope I’m the one who changed my own pants.”

“I’m going to go hide the Red Bull!” Keith said, pitching himself over the edge of the couch and bounding for the kitchen. Shiro leapt to his feet and ran after.  
“I’m a _scientist_!” Shiro reached up to the top of the refrigerator and pulled down a Red Bull. Keith wasn’t quite tall enough to reach, so he had been climbing up the counter in order to get the energy drinks away from his brother. No such luck.

“What does that have to do with anything?” asked Keith, shaking his head. Shiro opened the Red Bull can and took a sip.

“Gross,” he muttered, wincing. Keith tucked his knees up to his chest and watched as Shiro made the most horrifying mocktail of all time; one part coffee, one part Red Bull, 100% disgusting. “As a scientist, I have to be able to recreate my results.”

“Why are you drinking it if it’s gross, huh?” Keith cocked an eyebrow, running his hands over the rips on the knees of his jeans.

“Because, I’ll be ready to grade tests again in twenty minutes.”

“I don’t know if I’m proud or disgusted.” Keith shook his head. “Just because you and Matt both used it in college doesn’t mean it works.” He stopped for a moment. “Actually, that makes me think it _doesn’t_ work, because the two of you are too stubborn to admit that your ‘cure’ is complete bullshit.”

“I don’t suppose _you_ want to test it out?” Shiro thrust the mug in Keith’s direction. “Mr. High-and-Mighty.”

“I’m not hungover,” said Keith. “I’m nineteen, Shiro. I can’t _drink_.”

“We both remember your birthday,” said Shiro, wincing as he downed another sip of his concoction. He hoisted himself up onto the kitchen island opposite Keith. “Well, I guess you might not.”

“Ha, ha,” Keith pursed his lips. “Drink your garbage and take a shower. I’m going back to bed.”

“You got it, loverboy.”

Keith whirled around to face his brother, who was sipping his drink a little _too_ innocently. “Don’t call me _loverboy_.”

“Whatever you say, loverboy,” Shiro smirked and took another sip. “Dear god, this really is awful.”

“I’m going back to bed,” Keith tossed a hand over his shoulder and waved. “Make sure you get those tests graded!”

“No promises!” called Shiro.

Keith gingerly shut the door to his bedroom and laid down on his bed. He stared out the window onto the Boston streets of asphalt and people, bustling around the cool autumn air. Soon enough, he fell into a restless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo!! Here's chapter three. Things have been kind of wild lately, so I haven't been able to update but we're back in business now baby!!!  
> I hope you like this chapter. It was probably my favorite one to write so far- the "bust a nut" conversation is based on an actual conversation that I've had.


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